So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
