He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
