Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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