At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
