we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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