Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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