apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
