Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
