She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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