The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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