the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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