Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Use "feeling words"
Yay
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
