you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
