I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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