Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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