Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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