id be glad to
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
