Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
