He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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