Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think your dad took our porno
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
