yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
