Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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