I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
