Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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