Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize