just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
