What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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