My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
