I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
