ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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