was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize