Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
