you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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