He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
