I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
do nipples grow back?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
