i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
