at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
