I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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