To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
