shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
