I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
