I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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