Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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