I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize