i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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