some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
