After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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