After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
