he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize