totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
