I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
