tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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