I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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