my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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