She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can text with my tongue
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
