How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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