Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
