Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your cock deserves a montage
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
