U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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