Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
