I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
