I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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