My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
