We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
