HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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